Fear

Warning/Disclaimer: I have NO formal training or certification in any form of psychology. Everything I say is speculation or intuition based off of my own logic.

First let me explain that the reason I put off writing this post on fear, is because it terrified me.

Evolutionary Psychology is the idea of looking at our mental functions and trying to figure them out from the perspective of evolution. Example: The reason people smell differently when they are sweaty is because different people have different bacteria living on their skin. So the smell of a person is actually full of information on what their immune system and can't fight off. Evolutionary speaking, if two people with wildly different immune systems do the horizontal monster mash and squirt out a baby, that baby will have a better immune system, survive longer, and presumably spread his/her seed. Evolution... So humans are attracted to other humans that smell different. Evolutionary psychology.

So it makes sense why evolution would favor fear. Creatures who run away from predators tend to live longer then those who run up to become friends with the hungry lion. Scared of heights, probably because all of the humans who were not scared of heights all fell off cliffs. and died. This is why human males have an intense fear of having their balls cut off. Yet they still get married, how odd.

I've been studying Anxiety for 18 years now. Whenever I personally have an anxiety attack I hit a Fight-Flight-Freeze response. From here you can categorize the anxiety attack into 3 sections.

Fight: A feeling of intense adrenalin fills me, I instantly feel the need to use the muscles in my arms. I become super confrontation and defensive, not really listening to what people say, yet still responding with aggression.

• Worst way of dealing with this state: Give in: hurt someone or yourself. once you've caused enough pain the feeling of control will make you less scared and more confident. 
• The better way of dealing with this state is crying. Yeah, thats right: cry. When you cry a lot more then salt water is coming out of your tear ducts. It's actually one of the many ways your body flushes unwanted chemicals. Sometimes the only thing you can do is wait for your body to deal with the overflow of chemicals.

Flight: I instantly want to physically distance myself from the problem, or ignore it. This comes with more adrenaline, but this time all of the tenseness and energy are in the legs. Sometimes I can even feel myself saying 'just run away'. Escapism also falls into this category. It's essentially an urge to do anything aside from face the problem.

• Worst way of dealing: Give in, play videogames and ignore the problem. Enjoy having an even bigger anxiety attack tomorrow.
• Best way of dealing: Distance yourself physically, but keep thinking about the problem. You wont be able to solve the problem without confronting it, but you can't accomplish shit while having an anxiety attack. So do something to put yourself at ease, but don't just forget about your problem.

Freeze (Catatonia): This usually happens when I can't run, or I know fighting is pointless. I just give up, cry, and hope someone else will come save me.

• Worst way of dealing: Waiting for help
• Best way of dealing: Asking for help

Whelp this topic is scaring the shit out of me, so I think I'll take my own advice and distance myself. I'll continue on this topic another day.

Excuses

Recently I heard someone talking about how they were a kleptomaniac. And his friends all agree’d. Now, I’m no true psychiatrist, so I can’t confirm nor deny her disorder. I do have to say, though, you should not call a kleptomaniac a kleptomaniac; you should call them a dirty thief. Everyone is looking to shirk responsibility for their own actions, and by calling a thief a clepto, you are handing them an excuse on a silk pillow. Will has profound effects on mental disabilities, but people are so quick to put their problems on a disorder and say “its impossible for me to fix.” So when you call a Kleptomaniac a dirty thief, you are telling them that there is no excuse for their behavior, and hopefully putting them in a position where they want to help themselves. No one wants to make anyone feel bad, so people forget that negative reinforcement is how we learn. (My step-dad did not forget that negative reinforcement is how we learn)

Look at commercials that sell gum and pills to help stop smokers. They are filled with messages about how it’s so hard to quit, and how it’s impossible. Now, when someone is trying to quit cold turkey, they get that craving. And they say to themselves “I shouldn't be ashamed, after all, it’s SO hard to quit smoking” and then buy a pack of cigarettes.

I’ve had Clinical Anxiety disorder for most of my life. When I was younger my way of dealing with it was to avoid any stressful situation. When I was confronted about my avoidance, I’d just claim I can’t do it because of anxiety. Or when I had an anxiety attack I triggered my flight response and I did everything I could to get out of the situation. Then I got my first REAL job and I got my first REAL anxiety attack. I left crying two or three times before I realized. “If I keep running away, they are going to fire me.”/

Let me tell you this, nothing feels harder then confronting a task, while you are having anxiety over that vary task. It feels like you’ve got molasses in your vains, and your joints are rusted and un-oiled. You grit your teeth and every instinct is telling you to hit/hurt something or run away. It hurts, it’s hard, it’s hellish. But it is necessary… (Continued in my next blog: Fear.)

Show and Tell

When I was younger I remembered show and tell. I never had anything to show, and I rarely had anything to tell. But my class-mates always had some nice little thing, and it didn't bother me. I was always a clumsy and absent minded kid (As I am a clumsy and absent minded 'adult') so all of my cool toys were broken or last.

When you go to a friend’s house for the first time, what is it like? You get a tour and the opportunity to see their big TV, what ever collectibles they might have, and the furniture of their house. But is the purpose of this little tour for you to see neet things and be enlightened, or does your friend merely want you to tell them how cool they are for having nice things?

Here's a fun game. Give them 0 praise on their nice things. See how hard they will try just to get your praise.

How about this, Do you own something on display in your house? How many hours of solitary entertainment has that given you? Do you just sit in a chair and stare at your display case for hours?

And then of course there's Accolades.

Dictionary.com defines Accolade as "any award, honor, or laudatory notice". In the ceremony of knighting someone, a blade is placed on their shoulder by its flat end. This act was called an Accolade. It has come to mean a reward or public notice of approval. An Accolade is not something given in private between two people. It is a public display. A trophy, A news Article, Gamer Score, High Score list, and so on.

So why do we need to have nice things to show our friends, and why do we need accolades to represent our strengths. I have no fucking clue, but that's never stopped me from blindly speculating before.

I'd have to say the answers are two fold.

1) People lie. Any douche-bag with gages and tattoos can walk up to a girl and say he's in a great band. (I don't know why he had to have gages and tattoos for this analogy, I also don't know why you need to keep judging my analogies. But I digress.) You can't trust what people say, so we've come to require some physical representation of their success.

2) People are rarely secure in their own personality. Most people are secure in their abilities to do things. But people are rarely as secure in their ability to entertain other people. Everyone has a friend who feels the need to bring a 6-pack to every gathering, or provide food and drink for everyone. Maybe that friend is just a very nice guy, and maybe I'm secretly a midget wearing stilts and arm extensions. Does that friend every tell an interesting story, or provide input on a debate?

This is a sort of Catch 22. Little Jessica at age 6 walks around a party and everyone says to her "Oh look how cute you are" and compliments her appearance. As Jessica grows up, she gets more compliments on her appearance. She starts to get fat. No one ever told her how smart or witty, or charming she was. So She sees that all she has is her appearance, and it drivers her insane. This disorder is commonly diagnosed as: Being a Vapid slut. Young children are still trying to figure out what is 'right' and 'wrong'. What do you think is going to happen when you praise them on their physical appearance? People look to others to understand themselves, especially children. Show and Tell sounds to me like a contest of who has the nicer stuff.

Just so you know, any time I ever refer to a douche-bag he will have gages and tattoos. But that is for another day.